My flights on the way to and back from Los Angeles were a mess. Delays on every leg of the trip (and I took four separate flights in those two days).
But the last leg home was the worst.
We found out our flight out of LAX to ORD was delayed about two and a half hours, yet Niri and I each had less than an hour scheduled to catch our connecting flights out of O'Hare.
Here are Tamara from The Unexperienced Mom, me and Mommy Niri putting on our Mrs. Potato Head "Angry Faces." (This photo could also be captioned: Why you shouldn't let the tallest person take the self-portrait shot. Sorry Niri.) I also love how happy the people in the background look, too.
We had the best gate agent ever in LAX. Her name was Melissa and she was with American Airlines. All of the airlines need more people like her. She was helpful, she was funny, and she was real. And she really tried to help us, even though there was really nothing anyone could do. So here's a shout out to Melissa.
But I digress.
When we landed at 11:45 p.m. in Chicago, I was shocked to learn my 10:30 flight was still there delayed by weather. I kicked off my flipflops and ran through the terminal to get to my gate.
That, right there, is not a pretty picture. I don't run. Ever. I can only hope no one cared or was watching or happened to be filming anything when I ran through their shot. If so, please delete it and I owe you one. K?
I get to the gate to find everyone still standing there. Exhausted. Angry. Bored. We hadn't even boarded yet. An hour an a half later, we were on our way.
It was one of those small four-seats across planes. One where my head nearly hit the ceiling, and I am only 5'7".
Cozy. Yeah, that's a nice word for it. Cozy.
People over 5'7" were rubbing their heads from bumping them on the ceiling. Babies were crying. Toddlers where whining. Hell, I was just north of crying and whining myself. And all of us just wanted to sleep.
Other than the babies, it was silent. It was now 1:30 in the morning.
And then one of the last people got on the flight.
He was, perhaps, the most uniquely annoying passenger I have ever had on a plane with me. I am neither a patient person nor am I highly tolerant of annoying people. My bad. So the only way I kept myself from turning around to tell him to cut it out was to realize there was a good post that could come out of it.
So, thank you Mr. Highly Annoying Guy. Here is what I learned from you.
Things Never to Say or Do on an Airplane:
1. If you happen to have a laugh that sounds exactly like Scooby Doo laughing in a megaphone, please refrain from laughing.
2. If your Scooby Doo laugh thing is a nervous thing and you do it after everything you say really, really loudly, perhaps you should refrain from talking, too.
3. If the entire plane is silent except for the tired babies, you should be, too.
4. When they tell you to turn off your cell phone, they mean it.
5. So when your cell phone rings (on the otherwise silent plane) right after they say that and the flight attendant puts on her Mrs. Potato Head "angry face." She really isn't happy with you.
6. When the flight attendant comes looking for that ringing phone, don't pretend it isn't you. She's going to keep looking through bags until she finds it.
7. Unless, of course, it isn't in a bag, but in your pocket.
8. At that point, it's not a good idea to ask her if she wants to reach into your pocket to get it out because you don't know how to turn it off.
9. That wasn't a funny question, don't Scooby Doo laugh.
10. When they say it's a short flight, that doesn't mean you need six glasses of water, all in clean cups. And even if you didn't want ice, don't ask the flight attendant to take it out for you.
11. Loudly sucking your teeth is gross.
12. Asking everyone around you if they ever watched "Beavis and Butthead" doesn't make you sound educated, interesting, cool or contemporary.
13. Asking them when they were sleeping makes it even worse.
14. When a baby is screaming and crying, yelling out "I hear a cute baby! Only cute babies cry!" is just strange. And it makes the baby's mom want to punch you. At least, if it were me, that's what I would want to do.
15. When it's 2:20 a.m., we really don't care what you did on your vacation.
16. And again, if you laugh like Scooby Doo, and if you don't ever stop laughing, please don't fly.
