Each Tuesday and Thursday, Caleb attends an after school program. The schedule is such that I pick him up directly from the program at 4:35. I usually get there by 4:30 so he isn’t left waiting after all of the other kids have boarded the busses. That means I wait for a bit in the lobby.
There is a group of about 7-8 junior high boys that are also waiting there, I assumed for parent rides home, over the past few months. They are classic junior high boys. Loud, awkward while overly confident, trying to figure out who they are…and therefore doing a whole lot of posturing. For whatever reason, the “whole lot of posturing” deal has meant that they have been getting increasingly obnoxious over the past few weeks.
It seemed to heighten about two weeks ago. I was waiting there for Caleb and a teacher or staff member (I don’t know her) walked through the doors. Once she was out of earshot, I heard one of the boys call her a “Blonde B*&%h.” Note to self: I will steer clear of these boys.
And so I did.
Last Thursday, I was walking quietly into the school. I walked past the boys and didn’t make eye contact or anything. As I went through the second set of entryway doors, I heard one of them call after me:
“Yo B*&%h!”
At first I was just going to keep walking. But then I quickly changed my mind. I spun on my heels and headed back into the door. At that moment, I thought, “Wow, I feel really, really old. I am that mom.”
And at the same time, I also felt like I was 12 again, right back in the junior high halls of Chippewa, being teased by Sarah and her cronies and wanting to run away. But the difference was when Sarah went after me all those years ago, I just took it silently. I didn’t stand up for myself. So this time, I thought, “Enough.”
I turned towards the boys who were all snickering and said, “Who said that?”
Nothing. Just laughs.
“No seriously, who said it?”
Nothing again.
“Okay, if no one is going to be man enough to own up to it, I will assume you all think it was okay and that you all did it.”
I turned and walked away and as I did, the same voice called after me: “FU&^%NG B*&%h!”
(hey, it’s a family blog, I’ll keep it relatively clean ;)
Now I was really mad. I walked into the Principal's office and caught one of the administrators there. To say she was equally mad would be an understatement. At this point the boys had both bolted and/or caught rides so they were nowhere to be found.
She tried pulling up school photos of boys on the team that she could think of. None of them looked familiar and I wasn’t about to finger someone without knowing for sure.
Yesterday, I got a call from the administrator. She and the basketball coach had talked to the team. No one fessed up on the spot. They gave them a day to think about it and the boy who did it stepped forward. He has now been benched and has asked (or been told, who knows???) to make a formal apology to me in person. She was calling to see if I could find a time to come to the school to meet “Chicka.”
Again…conflicting feelings here. Am I that 34-year-old mom? Willing to meet this boy with hopes that somehow, some way this will have a positive impact on him? Or am I that gangly 12-year-old again? Wanting to hide in the corner from the popular kids and pretend it all didn’t happen. I will be the mom.
I emailed the administrator back. I am headed there today at 4:00 to meet the boy.
Brian asked me last night what I was going to say. And I will say what I never got to say to Sarah:
“Junior high is a tough time. But it’s your time to really pick that path you are going to take for your life. I hope you pick the right one and treat others with the respect that you hope to be treated with.”
And, most importantly, I am going to say:
“I forgive you.”
(And Sarah, while I know you don’t think of me anymore, and most certainly don’t read our blog…I still, at moments like this, think about you from time to time. And I can easily recall the glee you and your friends, like Chicka and his friends today, took in tormenting me back in 1987. And to you, wherever you are, I forgive you, too.)
5 comments:
Wow Molly - what an experience. I think that you handled it the right way. Confronting it was the right thing to do. I'll be thinking of you today as you meet with that kid. I bet that he is pretty nervous; and this is good that he has to deal with what he said. Hopefully this will affect him in a positive way; I am sure that he will think twice before hurling insults again.
Hope that all goes well at 4:00.
Jen
I give you kudos for what you did. I would not tolerate it one bit and thankfully develop thick skin during my years of Public Safety.
I am also completely surprised that you dealt with insults while at Chippewa. Well, I guess I should never assume anything. Looking forward to hearing about the rest of the story.
Denise
Ugh this totally reminds me of junior high, except the sad part is, now 3 years out of high school, most of my classmates have yet to grow up! Way to stand up for yourself even if you are "that" mom!
:-)
Hugs to you today.
1) You're not an old mom, your a pretty kick-a** mom if you ask me.
2) Is this poor child's name really Chicka?
3) You rocked this in your response to his apology. He'll remember this incident for a long time and hopefully, your words will ring in his head just as long.
4) Love that you shared the emotions this brought out in you with your own experiences.
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