The Apology

To close the loop on the story, here is how yesterday’s “Apology from Chicka” went.

First off, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was nervous. I mean, really, here I am going face to face with a kid that, unprovoked verbally went after me. Did I need to hide my car? How would he respond to me the next time he saw me in the hallway without school leaders there?

I joked to Brian that I didn’t know who was going to be more nervous, Chicka or me. I got to the school at 4:00 and headed to the assistant principal’s office. I could see her sitting in there along with another woman. As I rounded the corner, I saw the boy sitting there.

He was tall, very tall, and as I looked at him I was surprised to realize it wasn’t the boy I had guessed it would be (by observing that boy’s previous behavior). However, as I looked at him I realized he was one of the boys the assistant principal had showed me on the computer last Thursday. And my heart sank a bit.

As I mentioned in my previous posting, after I went off to report them, the boys bolted, so she had pulled up a few school pictures to see if it really was the basketball team and not just another group of kids.

At that time, she pulled up his photo and said, “How about him? Was he in the group? He is really, really tall.”

“Maybe,” I responded. “He does look familiar but he’s not the one who is usually the ring leader.”

“Good she said, I can’t imagine it’s him as he is a really, really, really nice, quiet, soft-spoken boy. It couldn’t be him.”

And yet here he was.

The assistant principal introduced me to the athletic director and to Chicka. She then said, “And here is Chicka, and he has some things he wants to say to you. I think you will have a very different opinion of him after you hear him speak.”

Panic set in. I have to admit that based on her phrasing I had a horrible feeling that perhaps this young boy had some kind of a developmental delay or a disability like Tourettes or something. Horrible sinking feeling in my stomach.

He started in, “Mrs. Snyder, I am sorry I cussed at you. Me and the other kids were just goofing around and playing. I wasn’t directing it toward you and am sorry if you were offended.”

[Phew, no profane outbursts. She must have just meant that my opinion would change after he apologized. And not that there was a medical reason for him to swear at me.]

My response, “Well, I understand what you are saying. And if you are being truthful that the language wasn’t directed to me, then I may have misunderstood. And if that is the case, I apologize. However, (and then I replayed the situation of what had happened), given all of that I am pretty sure what I heard the first time was directed at me, and I am positive that when confronted you didn’t step forward and say that you were just goofing around. And I am absolutely positive that after I called you guys on it, as I walked away you yelled after me. However, I forgive you. You are at a tough time in your life, whether you know it or not. I have been there. You are trying on different parts of your personality and seeing what sticks. And I just hope this one isn’t a part of it that sticks as it seems like you are a better person than that. But I respect you coming forward to apologize and I do forgive you.”

The assistant principal then reminded him that 1) disrespecting others, in particular adults and women, is never acceptable and 2) that while he and his friends may have been goofing around and using inappropriate language, you are a leader by saying “cut it out.” Not by taking it to the next level.

He then went back to the basketball game where he has been benched for a week. I breathed a sigh of relief and went to pick up Caleb.

The end. (I hope.)